ROUND ONE
1.
ancient wisdom
inviting inspiring thought
timeless endless visions
2.
gamboling sweet lamb
spring heralds your playful life
with mint sauce divine
When seeing the kind of information contained in #1 written as a haiku, there is a bit of a shock of feeling again how different haiku is from this style of poetry. The total lack of any sensual input with only intellectualizing about ideas places this verse about as far from haiku as one can get. The mint sauce wins this match.
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3.
Seashells on the beach
Waves crashing on the shoreline
A golden sunset
4.
in this dark spring rain
one crow flies silently by
sending a message
Here, we have nothing ‘really wrong’ that I can see, in either haiku. Though in Japanese haiku crows are not associated with spring, the darkness of the spring rain does relate to the dark feeling we normally have for crows. I like the feeling of mystery that comes, not only from the scene, but also from the unsaid message. This haiku properly leaves the reader wanting more, and causes one to ponder: what does it mean to see a crow flying in the rain? This is an excellent haiku but I am going to pick #3 for its brightness against a darker image in #4. Very close.
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5.
stars above the hill
shadow of the tree is cast
over emerald grass
6.
dark branches
against the twilight sky
wolf songs echo
You guys are getting good! Again, both of these are practically faultless haiku. Only by serious nit-picking can I mention that the way #6 is written, it seems to end with a verb. If the author had written "song’s" echo would have become a noun and I would have had nothing at all to pick on. Ku #5 wins the match, but #6 is still, even in this version, an excellent haiku.
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7.
Turtles in the tress.
Is Mother Nature playing?
Shells and leaves to rake.
8.
autumn
at last leaf touches
its shadow
I am not clear what "tress" is, but even so, the three end-of-the-line breaks (emphasized with punctuation, no less) puts this haiku on my losers list. The use of the figure of speech – Mother Nature is also something that is not done in haiku. Nature is nature and is above gender. An easy win for #8. Upon rereading #7 I think maybe "tress" should be 'trees'! Now I see that the author is drawing a comparison between the autumn leaves and the shells of turtles which is a very good idea. I am still not happy with trying to put the turtle in the tree, taking off its shell and dropping that on the ground in order to draw the comparison. One could put the turtle on the ground where it belongs and then find a way of showing the relationship between the shell and the dried leaf. That seems doable. Stick with the idea.
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9.
baby mantis
staggers along the pavement
raindrops
10.
supper-scented air
hands in pockets, collar turned
he walks on
Again, I find both haiku so good. I am not far from throwing up my hands and just declaring nearly everyone in this game as winners. I really like the way the author of #10 sets a scene and even tells a story in so few words and the story is a heart-touching one. I feel sorry for the man without a place to go for supper. This tells me, that this verse would be better done in tanka. I also wish that #10 did not have to end with a preposition. The greater difference between these two is the fact that haiku needs is the cool, clear objective stance of concentrating on the staggers of raindrops and praying mantis instead of focusing attention on the pathetic situation that humankind has gotten itself.
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11.
damp earthy shade
slightly warm rain drips
from white mushrooms
12.
luxuriant
the smell of the peach
rose
Ku #12 makes the mistake of the poet telling the reader what to think. The first word, instead of setting a scene with concrete images, makes a judgment about two smells. Just cannot let one do that in haiku. Ku #11 goes ahead.
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13.
Misty mountains, far away,
Do you hear the rainbows play
In the cloud palace?
14.
I smell rain approach
clouds in heaven darken gray
the skies tears now fall
It is so rare that this game gets a haiku with seven syllables in the first line I am going to end this match right here and advance #14. If you think I was too quick with the decision also consider the figure of speech – cloud palace (a haiku no-no) and the ability to hear a rainbow playing.
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15.
What is love and hate
Will thou please enlighten me
For i do not get
16.
As a grain of sand
cast upon the shore of life
home is where I land
Ah, an old sonnet writer has entered haiku territory without a map and thinks one can get around using out-dated paths of Shakespearean speech. Sorry, haiku demands the use of everyday speech about everyday things – none of which are mentioned in #15 because everything there is an abstract except the person. Ku #16 goes to the next round.
ROUND TWO
2.
gamboling sweet lamb
spring heralds your playful life
with mint sauce divine
3.
Seashells on the beach
Waves crashing on the shoreline
A golden sunset
Ku #2 has three indications in it that mark it non-haiku. All of these additions were created by the desire to have 5/7/5 syllables in the lines. I am looking at the words: sweet, playful and divine. Aside from the jest of the joke, these unnecessary descriptive words greatly weaken the impact of the ku. Therefore, #3 goes to the next round.
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5.
stars above the hill
shadow of the tree is cast
over emerald grass
8.
autumn
at last leaf touches
its shadow
Ku #5 has the poetic feeling of Western poetry complete with the near-rhyme of "cast" and "grass" – something that is not admired in haiku. I have a strong inclination to think that the author thought up this scene and did not see it because in star shine, which is very faint, the hill would not be an emerald green but a shade of black. Perhaps the author did see star shine shadows but only added "emerald" to fill out the syllable count. Either way, it is wrong. Ku #8 goes to the next round.
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9.
baby mantis
staggers along the pavement
raindrops
11.
damp earthy shade
slightly warm rain drips
from white mushrooms
For me, there is simply too much information in #11. Whatever the author was trying to picture could have been done more succinctly – in the way of haiku. If the first line was eliminated I would find the haiku as very special. The idea that the white mushroom would slightly warm the rain that drips off it is new and very intriguing. The baby mantis staggers into the next round.
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14.
I smell rain approach
clouds in heaven darken gray
the skies tears now fall
16.
As a grain of sand
cast upon the shore of life
home is where I land
The idea of starting a haiku off with the personal pronoun "I" is fairly new, but not admired. Haiku strives to help the reader look at the situation from the outside or other side of the world than from the personal viewpoint of the author. To place the author front and center in this manner is not what haiku should do. Ku #16 also has the personal pronoun, but at least it does not lead off with it, and so goes ahead.
ROUND THREE
3.
Seashells on the beach
Waves crashing on the shoreline
A golden sunset
8.
autumn
at last leaf touches
its shadow
Ku # 3 makes, for me, a very subtle haiku-like image if one understands the second and third lines to be – the waves are crashing the sunset on the shore, which it can seem to do. Then to go back to get the first line, the feeling can be presumed that the crashed up sunset pieces are the shells. I love this idea and find it very good. Yet the author has started out each line with capital letters which increases the impression of three separate lines – and as everyone knows, this makes the haiku choppy and me grumpy. For this reason, #8 goes into the final round.
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9.
baby mantis
staggers along the pavement
raindrops
16.
As a grain of sand
cast upon the shore of life
home is where I land
Ku #16 is so firmly in Western poetry I cannot believe it has gotten this far in the game. The shore of life is a figure of speech that is an abstraction that has no place in haiku. I like the thought in the last line but again this is an intellectual idea of the author and should not be in haiku. Again the baby mantis staggers onward.
ROUND FOUR
8.
autumn
at last leaf touches
its shadow
9.
baby mantis
staggers along the pavement
raindrops
Through this whole judging I have been trying to understand why the author uses the phrase "baby mantis". The insect is called a praying mantis, which offers lots of haiku opportunities but has nothing to do with the rest of the action in this haiku. Why did the praying mantis have to be a baby? That has no relationship to the rest of the haiku. There is a relationship between the idea of an insect staggering and the image that raindrops are staggered on the pavement and this is very good, very haiku-like. For me, the first line needs a stronger image of an insect or a different insect than the praying mantis.
It is with real pleasure and joy to designate # 8 as the winner. I find this haiku to be perfect in every way. The season is the proper setting and simply said. The author gets two meanings out of the word "last" (at last = finally – and the very last leaf on the tree). The idea of the leaf finally getting to touch its shadow is, as far as I know, a new idea for haiku and a very special one. The action has a sense of achievement, of arrival as well as the sense of something being completed – which is very right for autumn. There could be some sadness in the fall of the leaf, but this is overcome by the joy of becoming one with its shadow. A very deep and beautiful haiku. Congratulations!
autumn
at last leaf touches
its shadow
Philip Noble
Let me read another Sea Shell Game .
Show me the form so I can submit my haiku to the Sea
Shell Game.
Maybe I need to read up on haiku.