ROUND ONE

1.
life everlasting ~
a fat skunk browses
among the headstones

2.
Being all alone
A solitary watcher
Contemplating life.

Almost without reading these two haiku, but by simply looking at them typographically, can you decide which one is the more haiku-like? The one without caps and punctuation, you say? I agree with you. Also, there is a "waste" of words in the repeat in #2 of "alone" and "solitary" in that both terms give the reader the same information. A dead give-away that the writer of #2 is not at home in haiku country is the third line – a action by the author that haiku does not welcome. Though skunks in graveyards is not a classic haiku juxtaposition, #1 wins this match easily.

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3.
drawn by scents of cheese
the mouse scurries to his death
just a touch and snap

4.
summer's end -
the worn path
through the park

Ku #3 falls prey to a rather classic misconception about haiku – that it tells a little story in three short lines. The story is possibly told in a haiku but in this ku the sequencing bothers me. The author gives away the "joke" by telling us that the mouse will die in the second line. I think that if the author had not been counting syllables, he or she would have had the freedom to tell about the incident in a shorter, more dramatic fashion. For these reasons, #4 goes to the next round.

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5.
Faint thumbprint
mellows page
favorite passage

6.
exhaust stench
rises cold and dense
city winter

If I ignore the capital letter beginning #5, I find these two fairly matched. Ku #6 has a rhyme in it that, in my mind would not disqualify it from being a winner. I think I am more bothered by the negative connotations of "stench" and "dense." Ku #5 also works with a "blighted" image, but comes to a positive conclusion. Usually haiku are thought of as doing just this – taking an idea of something wrong or bad and finding the good in it. So structurally #6 is a perfect haiku, but it is the attitude of the author – complaining about the smell of traffic – instead of finding something lovely or positive in the scene, that makes this haiku lose this match.

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7.
a forgotten popsicle stick
kicked under fallen leaves
imagined headstone

8.

quack! downy duck
walks across the silver pond
froze--no swimming here

One of the things that haiku readers insist upon, is valid reality. In #8 the author has us believe that a downy, or newly hatched duckling, is walking across the ice. In real life this would never happen as baby ducks would only be out of the nest after the pond has thawed. This is a problem with the so-called "desk haiku." The author had an idea for a haiku from imagination and not one from the inspiration of having seen something in reality. Also, if the author of #8 was counting syllables why not begin by using the article in the first line? The count would have been right and the reading so much more smooth with "quack! a downy duck." While I am beating up on #8 I would add that the third line is not really needed. If a duck can walk across a silver pond, let the reader figure out that it is frozen. I have seen ducks walk across the ice to go swimming in the unfrozen parts of a river, so again the author is tripped up by reality. Ku #7 goes to the next round.

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9.
Blue horizons lie
Under skies of feathered clouds
Through all the winds sigh

10.
Butterflies emerge
The wonder of creation
Grandmother's needle

At least in this match the authors have matching ideas of how to use capital letters – both authors follow English poetry rules by capitalizing the first letter of each line. Partly because the Japanese language does not bother with upper and lower case, and because putting all the words into lower case simplifies the look of the poem, most haiku writers prefer this method. I am going to fault #10 with having too many line breaks. Each line is an independent phrase that stands alone. If a preposition had been added to either the second or third line, one could have enjoyed the smoothness of reading either:

Butterflies emerge
From the wonder of creation
Grandmother's needle

or

Butterflies emerge
The wonder of creation
From Grandmother's needle

Ku #9 goes to the next round.

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11.
somewhere
in nana's garden
a stone duck

12.
cold fingers
his hands become real
non-being?

See how much more these two look like haiku? Yet, one of them is not a haiku. Did you pick #12? First of all, haiku is about "what is" so to ask about "non-being" is to go outside of the boundary of subjects for haiku. In haiku you do not have to have things "become real" because most every noun in a haiku is automatically real. Cold hands and fingers is basically a repeat of subject matter another vast no-no. The stone duck waddles into the next round.

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13.
flat rocks by the shore
small circles form in a line
stone dance on water

14.
bending in the breeze
the branches creak and rattle
autumn's bitterness shadows all

It is not often that a haiku is entered into this contest with a line with eight syllables in the five-unit line. I wondered why the author was so strict in the first two lines and then blew up in the end. Just leaving out the word "bitterness" would have been so helpful. Remember, in this use of the word, bitterness describes the author’s opinion of autumn. Haiku work better if they can get the reader to think "bitterness" without the author having to use the word. The first two lines were doing fine to set up a situation – though "breezes" usually imply the softer winds of spring and the harsher words of wind, storm, tempest, etc., are used for autumn and winter winds. You will find flat rocks in the second round.

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15.
on the dew filled morning
beasts and birds beckon below
awaiting the spring

16.
Lit up by the dawn
a green bud sparkles with dew
it will open soon.

Looking at these two poems I have the feeling I am on a walk with this pair of authors and we both have stopped before a scene and used their haiku to express what they have seen. I would want to turn to #15 to ask to explain the second line – what does "beckon below" refer to? Also, the third line implies something that cannot be observed. How can you know the beasts and birds are "awaiting spring"? You might record some action that makes the reader think that this is what a bird is feeling, but to say it right out like that is just not good haiku etiquette. Ku #16 goes ahead.

ROUND TWO

1.
life everlasting ~
a fat skunk browses
among the headstones

4.
summer's end-
the worn path
through the park

Here is a good match  with these two haiku! They both look like haiku, and sound like haiku and are excellent haiku. Frankly, I am completely torn between them. The phrase "life everlasting" bothers me because it is so abstract, but then "summer’s end" is also an abstract concept although one that has been used so often in haiku that it has become totally accepted. Also well-worn and over-used is the suggested idea that the passing of a season goes down a path. To be totally expert, the author of #4 should have used the phrase "summer leaving" which implies movement which would have fit better on the path. I guess I will go with #1 since skunks and cemeteries is unusual but still the idea comes across.

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5.
Faint thumbprint
mellows page
favorite passage

7.
a forgotten popsicle stick
kicked under fallen leaves
imagined headstone

Ah, #7 was so close! I loved the idea of a lost popsicle stick among fallen leaves looking like a tiny headstone, or better still "grave marker" to relate to the societies who use wooden slats as indications of a buried body. "Headstone" implies stone and that is not right. Also, the word "imagined" is totally unnecessary. The reader would have done the imagining for the author and it would have been so good – so satisfying. The inspiration for this haiku is very original and so good, it is painful for me to see it lose out to #5.

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9.
Blue horizons lie
Under skies of feathered clouds
Through all the winds sigh

11.
somewhere
in nana's garden
a stone duck

One of the objectives of haiku thinking is to focus on the singular. Though plurals are often used, to have a poem filled with "horizons," "skies," "clouds, and "winds," each of which can be referred to in the singular suggests that the author is not aware of how jarring this is. One of the additional reasons for haiku to refer to a single image is the fact that Japanese nouns have no plural as do our words for sheep or deer. Thus, there is an inclination to translate the poem as having only one frog in it. But the better reason is the fact that this focuses and highlights the importance of just one certain image. There have been arguments that Basho’s famous crow haiku "on a bare branch / a crow lands / autumn dusk" was written about a flock of crows because somewhere there exists a drawing of several crows in a leafless tree. Some have said that having more crows would increase the feelings of depressions, dread and foreboding a bunch of crows and an autumn evening would bring. But I digress. The duck wins.

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13.
flat rocks by the shore
small circles form in a line
stone dance on water

16.
Lit up by the dawn
a green bud sparkles with dew
it will open soon.

I love the image I get from the first two lines of #16. Haiku have had dew sparkling in them for years, but somehow the thought of the warmth of dawn light makes the scene so much more enchanting. By the beginning being so good, it is even more heart-breaking to find the last line. Haiku are written in the moment, with pleasure and appreciate for what is in this second. There was so much beauty in this dawn light on the dew, it should have been enough glory and majesty for a whole lifetime. Who needs the idea that soon the bud will open? Who can be sure it will? Will any of us be here then to see it? Ah, if the author had just stayed with the joy of the moment. As it is, flat rocks move ahead.

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ROUND THREE

1.
life everlasting ~
a fat skunk browses
among the headstones

5.
Faint thumbprint
mellows page
favorite passage

So what do I want to think about? fat skunks in a graveyard browsing for let’s not talk about what, or the delicacy of a fingerprint on a page? Today I will go for the less robust picture of #5.

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11.
somewhere
in nana's garden
a stone duck

13.
flat rocks by the shore
small circles form in a line
stone dance on water

How did I let #13 get this far? Each of those three lines ends with a definite break – my number one rule. Also, the haiku is very wordy with repeats of "rocks" and "stone" and "shore" and "water." I do like the unusualness of the last line and that is certainly a phrase worth saving and trying again. Basho did this. His famous "sound of water" line he had written at least two times in other haikai in previous months. He knew when he had a great line and he kept using it over and over until he got the right combination. Do thou likewise! The duck again.

ROUND FOUR – Winner’s Circle

5.
Faint thumbprint
mellows page
favorite passage

11.
somewhere
in nana's garden
a stone duck

Through all this judging I have been bothered by the word "somewhere" in #11. For some reason, it seems to me to be a waste of a line. I do wish I understood the importance of "somewhere" – why did the author pick this word? Was the duck lost? Was it only a memory? The last two line are evocative enough, but I feel I need an additional clue to really understand what the author wanted me to think or feel. In contrast, #5 gives positives clues in the proper order. A "faint thumbprint" is an excellent haiku subject – one that has been rarely used. Haiku work best, I feel, with things that one normally thinks of as something not wanted. Most people would not want a fingerprint left behind, but the idea that it marks a favorite passage in a book, one obviously enjoyed repeatedly by someone unknown, adds an element of mystery while recalling an old pleasure. There is not one extra word in the whole ku and also there is no word one would need for the smooth reading of the haiku. Congratulations to Joan Luckey!

Faint thumbprint
mellows page
favorite passage